Would you love me

[quote]I hide my fractured soul.
With anger.
You've noticed a change.
But never knew the reasoning.
No longer do you reach out for me.[/quote]

I know this all too well,

Having to tune to the world's needs, moods and expectations while they are completely disconnected from the damage you suffering alone.

Forget it, pretend , go on..

When you do show it, people either take advantage of you, pretend to sympathize or can't even bother to try to understand.

They see their greatest fear[b], anyone can be a victim,[/b] and they push it away.

Lot of people are afraid of actually connecting to you. That's a truth.

They feel guilt, they don't want to feel their own helplessness or admit it.

They let go , they forget your pain, making someone else's pain your own means putting yourself in their place.

I sometimes tell myself don't blame them, I don't like it here either. I don't like my place and I don't like my past.

I don't like that I was betrayed by a society that thinks itself righteous, caring, safe and just. That's exactly what it is each time a child is a victim. A social betrayal.

I don't like that I love a world which I feel betrayed me and robbed me out of innocence. I don't like that it broke my heart.

But I, as someone who KNOWS what this pain is like, have an obligation to not look away. I will look at this raw pain as many times I need to ,and I will always try to make this world a better place.

Which can mean, often, I will have to build walls again around me. And I 'll keep those like me within because there isn't anywhere for us we can call home. There is only hope for one in a better world.

If I have a longing to connect with others, it’s important that I try to remember that, just as I have been wounded by life sometimes, so have others. I can’t expect that they will have all the courage and confidence to build a bond. I have to meet them somewhere along the high limb I ask them to crawl out on. Their response to my blank stare may not be boredom or frustration - it may be because their affection has been rejected before, and left scars as real as my own.

It’s not a contest of who got hurt worse more often - but that most of us are somewhere in rehabilitation of the heart and need to be gentle with each other, even as we are being protective of ourselves. I may never fully understand your pain any more than you will completely understand mine. But we can both try not to cause any more pain.

Keep trying.

You have managed to beautifully express feelings that are hard to put into words and it took a lot of courage for you to post something this personal.
I hope you know by now that nothing you say or do would make me care for you less and I always have a hug for you my young friend. You have a safe space where nothing you say or do can make me care less, quite the opposite. Hugs.

Just know you're not alone in this, 😔there are many that feel the same. I have loved someone like this...I've learned to forgive and love myself.💕💙

I posted this then went away for two hours fearing the responses.Thank you all for understanding . Sleeping a little easier tonight .

Some can love those as hard as rock.
Some can love those as cold as ice.
Some can love those that are not seemingly nice.

It's not a matter of seeking help.
It's not a matter of being rejected.
It's not a matter of past experience.

Life itself tempers the dejected.

You can go on, you can make a new life.

Just keep in mind, you are what you are, experiences and all. So don't judge yourself too hard.

Give yourself time to see. And you find just what you seek!

BTW You are only just a third my age. You have more than enough time.

I can't say I understand what it's like, bur trust me, no one here is gonna judge you anymore than you could ever judge yourself. This site might be a bit wonky at times. But we're all a little traumatized family at the end of the day. If you ever need to vent or something, or just wanna small talk to get your mind off things, just dm me, alright?

With the depth of understanding, connection and love of nature around you that you so eloquently often express with your photographs, I argue that you surpass all the shit that happened to you. Brilliantly too.


My two cents Sir.

Hugs to you!

I noticed that you mentioned you feel you can't seek help. In my humble opinion, you can. Your post speaks about a lot of things. I humbly suggest seeking a counselor to help you work through things.

Be kind to yourself!

Awe 😔 *hugs you*

did that stuff happen to you?