Such a Bleeding Mess

I get attached to people quickly. I invest and trust them too easily. A hypocritical statement given my criticism of similar people I've ghosted on. That being said, once I am invested, my brain poisons the well. Disfiguring well meant intentions and taking little things and creating snarled monsters out of them.

It picks and picks at things, screaming that they are bored, they don't like you, why are you wasting your time, until I eventually just see them as an enemy and sever ties completely. It's irrational.

I would give anything to just be normal. I'm so, so tired of being this way. I just wish that one day I could wake up and my brain would be fixed. I want to fall asleep and not tear up over what my life is or how alone I feel. I want to not see scars on my chest and arms and legs when I look in the mirror.

I'm so tired.

What does it matter.
Screaming in an empty room looking to be comforted by echos.
It'll never be different.
My head will always win and I will always end up alone, drunk, bleeding, and broken. Pulling on a door hoping tonight it'll be unlocked.