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How do you cope?

I spend my time running a business, supporting my partner who is struggling with life and my parents one of whom has had ovarian cancer and never seem to have time for my needs. Does anyone else have a similar story, is it selfish of me to want to escape every now and then to find a release and how do others cope?
I don't have a similar story - but then all such stories are somehow similar. I am not sure about nearly as much stuff as everybody else around here appears to be, but I AM sure of this, and I speak from very personal experience.

If you need to tell everybody that as of Friday night you will be incommunicado until Monday morning because you are going away alone, DO IT. Turn off the cell. Hide your head under a pillow. See five movies in a row. Walk the length of the beach and then walk back.
Some hard truths I learned after three consecutive care-giving experiences with husband, mother and brother, all of whom died in the end.

You can't make them live.
You can't make them mentally healthy.
You can't stop the pain or the fear.
Yes, you have needs too, and you should.
You CAN facilitate - e.g. there are meds to help appetite. There are drinks and supplements to help with nutrition.
You can do your best to ensure they're comfortable and clean.
A half hour visit every day is better than staying with them till you drop. Most of the time they're sleeping anyway. You are killing yourself for YOU, not them.
And, maybe the most important...an ambulance driver told me...after we pick someone up at the same address three or four times...the next call is for the caregiver.

How does that help anybody?
garmicsmi · 41-45, M
thank you, you have obviously been there and been the rock, it is amazing how easily you can eroded.
it is. @garmicsmi
That’s a lot. All I have is myself. Just my stuff is a ton of shit though. Small breaks can be healthy, I think. 🖤
@garmicsmi Resentment can make you bad for everyone including yourself. My problem is the opposite, I have no people counting on me and more time then I know what to do with but my issues seem daunting and I am very lonely. This site has helped.
@garmicsmi YW 🖤
vader2112 · 46-50, M
@DarkHeaven You nailed it. Resentment is bad. It's poison for your soul.
vader2112 · 46-50, M
It isn't selfish at all. You need you time to take care of yourself so you can continue to take care of others. It's much easier said than done, but you can't feel guilty for wanting to do something for yourself. There has to be balance. I'm dealing with this right now. If you've lived a life that revolves around doing things (or not) based on guilt, you can't change that in a day. It takes time. Small steps.
garmicsmi · 41-45, M
@vader2112 Thank you.
vader2112 · 46-50, M
@garmicsmi You're welcome. I hope you find ways to cope and continue to take care of those that need you, but don't forget to look out for number one. I wish I had some advice on coping skills, hopefully others will chime in.
SW-User
I have stuff going on too. We all have problems. I just take it one day at a time.
sighmeupforthat · 46-50, M
welcome to adulthood.


got wine?
garmicsmi · 41-45, M
@sighmeupforthat No don't really drink I don't really feel like I can let myself go.

 
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