Today I was asked how do I feel and what am I so afraid of?

I think the question should of been what am I not afraid of?

I'm afraid of everything
I'm afraid of the person I've become
I'm afraid of people getting to close
I'm afraid of having no control
I'm afraid of forgetting who I was
I'm afraid people will find out who I really am and hate me as much as I hate myself
I'm afraid of all the uninvited thoughts that take over my mind
I'm afraid when the time comes I will fail again

And to be honest I feel like someone has cut me open and ripped out my insides and replaced it all with so much pain, hate and anger.

Pain from life
Pain from myself
Pain from knowing I'm never going to be enough
Pain from the feeling all I do is hurt everyone near me
Pain from trying to fight
Pain from trying to give up

I hate myself for not being able to feel safe and secure
I hate that I have to watch my back at all times
I hate being alone
I hate that I can't run fast enough to escape myself
I hate that I want to DIE
I hate that I can't right now
I hate the world for making me stay here
I hate myself for not being able to go back to who I was

I'm angry at myself for letting this happen
I'm angry nothing I do is helping
I'm angry I can't fix myself
I'm angry that I failed
I'm angry at myself for giving up