Do you ever think to much and scare yourself...?

before I sleep my mind goes off on a trans and I somehow think about death. Like where do we go? or what happens? then I think about...how I never had my first kiss...or how I'm a virgin and I never felt butterflies in my stomach. Then I come to realise how pathetic I am and how people see me. How I come out as this big shot but in reality I'm all these things...