Seems that although I could see that and my mum once I told her, it wasn't enough to get him to see it.
He thought everything was a joke.
I just wish I wasn't around him growing up

I'm very sorry that you went through that Lily.

I'm sorry you were abused by men. It's scary that this happens, what is missing from people's lives.

@Justlilyg:
You are NOT an idiot dear.
And you only feel stuck. You will get UNstuck.
I am so sorry.
(((Hugs)))

You are young beautiful smart and lovely human being.
Yes, I KNOW what it means to not feel I DESERVE LOVE or GOODNESS...

~~~

I have been able to forgive my dad (for his violence and neglect of me as a person) but the fact remains is that I am broken for life bc of the way I was raised:
I guess WE ALL ARE products of our childhood, for better or not so good.

I love my dad dearly. .
My mom is in Heaven now.
I am an only child.
I know he did his best.

I am trying to heal. I wish I could see which way to go...

@Lunadelobos: I'm an only child too!
Thank you for your kind words, they can be extended to you also. :-)
I thought I was doing a good job of masking my sick childhood, but I was put on a children's department and it really opened my eyes especially when we did talks about safeguarding.
I fit into so many of those categories.
But despite that I was a lovely child, shy yes. But thoughtful and probably too caring of others.
I'm a mess now because it's opened up the lid of Pandora's box.

:-( I'm sorry hun, I think this is the time when you should develop confidence not be made to feel insecure, as your already scared about the changes going on

@Justlilyg: yeah... I'm pretty sure my self-esteem has suffered permanent damage 😂

@UnicornSparkles: I feel the same

Creepy dad

Very :-(

@Alexsw: I've not lived seen or spoken to my father for 4-5years thank god

@Justlilyg: A very good approach for your life

@Justlilyg: that should keep you happy i guess

No I agree. But it seems when I told my mum because she loved him so much she thought she could talk to him about his odd behavior to get him to stop. Nope it just made him worse, he'd do it more then call me a cry baby or grass.
On the odd occasion he'd corner me and threaten me so I would stop telling on him.
But that's another Story

@Justlilyg: well you cant change shat was so I guess you must move forward. Im sorry it was so bad for you. Not all men are like that.

Yep I felt like I wanted to die.
He would look at my female friends with such lust in his face, he made me physically ill at 17 as a group we were hot.
But he got enough from my mum so it's not like he was deprived he also was a cheater.

Aww, that's sweet :) And funny; sounds like you had/have a nice family.

*Endearing* : It's not what I can say about much of my life.
So, I tried to make it different for my kid.

I could only wish for a father like that. :-( I mean I wouldn't want him not looking at me but at least he was caring