Omg why do men not like me?

You got to put yourself out there. Dance alone. Show your not desperate. Approach guys yourself.
Think about shaving your head next time if you think going bald is putting them off. Plenty of guys shave their head.

Maybe the assless chaps were too strong a fashion statement.

If the mountain won’t come to me, I’ll go to the mountain.

It's not closing time yet

Go up to one.

Well, maybe your standards are kicking you in the head. “No cute guys have spoken to me”.

Here’s a question- how many guys spoke to you at ALL? If any, then the problem here, is you, not “men”.

Some guy touched my back and shoulders tonight, I think he was gay or at least bi. I touched his back in return, being polite and all.

Maybe you need a better personality

Maybe men there are straight? Go to places where’s gay men instead