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Why does it feels so bad when someone betrayed you

Keraunos · 36-40, M
It's because the lesson that some parts of you immediately (and rightly) take from betrayal is that you are not nearly as good at understanding and dealing with other people as you thought you were, and that these shortcomings need to be fixed immediately if you don't want to keep having more bad experiences like that from now on.

Hence a civil war rages in your mind, in which some parts of you are screaming, "Look at how bad you fucked up! Obviously this person wasn't anything like what you thought they were, how is it even possible for you to be that wrong about something and not notice it at all until now?" These parts are then in full-on purge mode, hunting around for the other parts of you that need to be destroyed, subdued, or modified in response to this scandal.

Other parts are shocked at their own failure and will alternate between crippling guilt for plunging the entire human organism they exist within into a crisis because of their own mismanagement of things; seething anger or sadness at the betrayer as the proximate catalyst for all of this in the first place; and desperately trying to contextualize the whole thing in a way that makes it not their fault and justifies them continuing to think and act in the way they like and are used to.
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@Keraunos Yes. That. Guilt
Keraunos · 36-40, M
@HuckleberryFriend Yep. Guilt for failing to protect yourself. There are only so many neurons that were actually responsible for formulating an impression of the person who betrayed you. The rest of you was just along for the ride and trusting those parts of you to know they were doing, and they've all been let down now.
Dan193 · 31-35, M
I don't know the science behind that, but that's how it goes.
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@Dan193 I just hate the fact that I am so affected. It is a family matter actually not a boyfriend-girlfriend thingy
Dan193 · 31-35, M
@HuckleberryFriend Sorry to hear. Maybe lots of hugs and praising will make you feel better. Post a question asking about feeling bad and needing hugs or encouragement.
🤩🤩🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@Dan193 Thanks ❤
SW-User
Unfortunately that’s the way it’s supposed to feel
SW-User
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@SW-User Thanks
SW-User
SW-User
It makes you aware of exactly how vulnerable you are.
SW-User
@HuckleberryFriend yeah betrayal does it. It makes you feel raw.
Sorry.
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@SW-User Having you guys(SW fam) who are there to "at least" reply on my rants is very meaningful for me ❤
SW-User
SW-User
It's prob tied to our ego and our expectations. There are many forms of betrayal
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@SW-User Its a family matter. Maybe i jist assumed that... Ugh i dunno
SW-User
@HuckleberryFriend ah sorry to hear. I don't know the sitch but sometimes peeps aren't intentionally trying to betray
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@SW-User Maybe.
Starcrossed · 41-45, F
I'm living that right now. Worse as this was like a 4th chance or something. I'm more mad and disappointed in myself.
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@Starcrossed Trueee i fcking hate the guilty feelings too
WildHeart · 41-45, F
I wish I knew why. Should have seen it coming that way the hurt might be little less intense.
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@WildHeart true
That overrated feeling known as 'trust'
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@LonelyLoserThatDeservesDeath It fcking hurts. I drank a bottle of beer and it doesn't help
MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
@HuckleberryFriend one bottle of beer 😂🤗 so precious
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@MartinTheFirst Its because I dont drink!........for past 1 month 😶
SW-User
Because you trusted that person, being backstabbed is horrible.
HuckleberryFriend · 26-30, F
@SW-User Not backstabbed. Yes it is horrible
MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
Cuz they betrayed you

 
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