In life what has you to change for the worst?

Just respond to a question when was the last time you forgiving myself. So like to follow up with that post.
First life has total derail me from trusting those who said they stand beside me only to run and hide like cowards once I need them.
The level of decit in this life for investing in someone who I had a relationship with only to find this out over years.
From friends and family who pray upon you it you have nothing else to offer.
The list keeps growing so I shield myself by been a Bastard.
Making no apologies for what I might say to whom ever or thier feelings to have to care sickening me!
Forgiveness is not for me so I will not forgive into the notion of caring. I leave that to you if you wish!