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Parents what tactics do you use to help a young teen not resent attending church?

Part of the reason my oldest daughter would rather stand than sit right now is due to how she feels church is a "waste of time" and "borning". Up till this year she loved going and liked talking with her friends but now she just feels like it's not something that connects with her. She doesn't get to not go but I wish it wasn't a battle each Sunday!
First off I think there is a flawed assumption that there is something inherently wrong with them not wanting to attend. Second trying to coerce them will only make resentment worse. And last depending on where you live it might be illegal to force a minor to attend church against their will.
littlematthew123 · 22-25, M
tell my stepmom that @SammyJo
SammyJo · 51-55, F
@littlematthew123 Well, I would if I could! I've been a life-long Catholic and I have found that faith has helped in my life....But my life has had a fair few bumps along the way, y'know? So...maybe I need it more...

Meanwhile some are just coasting through life and they have no real service for the faith, so it's easy to let it go.....until it is needed.

That make sense?

SJD x
@SammyJo Agreed. And those that attend church to please a parent rarely stick around in the long term.
Dolimyte · 41-45, M
Your daughter seems like a bright young lady. I think she'd be fine to stay home for solitary bible study.
MissyChrissy · 18-21, F
@Dolimyte Dont know what you mean, Sir, I am a girl, not an account. I can explain anything to myself in private, if demanded.
Dolimyte · 41-45, M
@MissyChrissy so now you want me to DM you? Sounds about right.
MissyChrissy · 18-21, F
@Dolimyte If you like, Sir.
ArtieKat · M
I've only just spotted this post - so I'm guessing your daughter is now an adult. Sadly I suspect your motives of coercing her to go to church: it seems to me your battle was more about your family [i][b]appearing[/b][/i] to be cohesive in front of the congregation than anything else.
Applepiedom · 56-60, M
Bible says there will be a turning away. My son is a prodigal. Left a note,and left.
" Remember me and I will always love you " he says in the note. Grew up in church. Knows the word or at least how to speak christian-ess. Tell you what you want to hear. But gone. No number or address. 19 he's an adult,no crimes committed so nothing cops can do.
I feel for you
suzie1960 · 61-69, F
@Applepiedom Good for him! 👍
Remind her that a bunch of boys are also forced by their parents to go to church too.
littlematthew123 · 22-25, M
I have no choice bout church at all with my stepmom
suzie1960 · 61-69, F
You epitomize the evils of christianity.
[b]Your daughter is right.

Let her find her own path.

What you find good for you, she has found is not for her.

Tactics are applied when you are trying to brainwash somebody.

Which is pretty much what you are trying to do.[/b]
Kathryn05 · 41-45, F
@Underconstruction: No honestly I want her to believe what I and her father do and her siblings as well but I know I can't force her to think any one way. Rather I just want there with her family it's a small thing I ask of her for all the things I do for her.
@Kathryn05: [b]It´s not a small thing. And now you say you are trying to make her feel guilty for the things you do as a parent, which by the way is YOUR obligation ? You really sound like a terrible mother Kathryn, I don´t know you but the things you say sound like hardcore brainwashing. Maybe you were a victim of that yourself. All in all a pretty sad situation.

Making her feel guilt for all the things you do for her in order to shame her for not going to church is just plain WRONG.[/b]
suzie1960 · 61-69, F
@Kathryn05 [quote]When she's grown she's free to do as she pleases[/quote]
If she has any sense, that will include cutting you out of her life.
As I just wrote on another post I rejected Catholicism at 14 and became an atheist.Your daughter is old enough to know her own mind and you should respect that.Punishing her for this is ridiculous and will be counter productive.
@Kathryn05: I would congratulate your daughter for trying to make you see that she does not want to follow the family religion. I hope she sticks to her guns.Answering another similar question on here right now someone has congratulated me for what I did at 14-pointing out that it took guts.Your daughter has guts.
@Pedromartinez: Pedro, the OP is a troll with an spanking fetish. So, I am sure "she" is not even a woman but a pathetic geezer troll sitting in his parents basement somewhere. THIS IS THE FILTH THIS FREAK POSTS ABOUT "HER DAUGHTER" :

"[b][c=#BF0000]She had some small sense to be quiet and not make a scene for the rest of the service and the look my husband gave her had her thinking about what was to come I'm sure. On the way home she was sulking and pouting and talking about how not fair it is she had to listen to such boring speeches. She really hadn't learned.

The end result of this came that when she was bending over to get her butt paddled once again I told her that it seems the only thing she learns from is a sore bottom and so sore bottoms is what she gets. Later on I thought wow I just became my mom once again!

I just am praying she learns faster than I did as a girl I don't think I can survive another 3 years of this sort of attitude.[/c][/b]"

NOW YOU SEE WHY OP IS A SICK​ PERVERT TROLLING THIS SlTE
suzie1960 · 61-69, F
@Pedromartinez: When I was at school (in the UK), several of my classmates and I were beaten by a Religious Education teacher for daring to say we doubted the existence of her god. All she taught us was that christians are nasty, vicious creatures who will stop at nothing to indoctrinate others. Is it any wonder I now hate christians and christianity?
I know others have already said similar but forcing her to go and trying to make her believe what you do is the sure fire way to make sure she has nothing but negative associations with church and will not only resent church but resent you for forcing it upon her. And well if you lived in Canada you would probably be getting yourself in some trouble too trying to impose it. But that is another matter. You want her to get something good out of church lead by example and show her how it is a positive influence for you. She may find the same or she might not. But right now you are shooting yourself in the foot and defeating your own goals with your tactics.
That is a tough one, which I have not had to face --and hope I don't have to. At this point it does not look like it will with my oldest (age 13)--baring any changes (which are entirely possible). She is seriously considering becoming a nun!!!!! They have many camps and things for young girls to take on the journey of discernment. This summer mine went for two weeks with the principal of her school (who is a Sister) to one in Wisconsin. At this time she is considering a very traditional order. This is exciting. But I am not pushing either way.

To answer your question --in our home this is not optional --in fact it is the [b]MOST IMPORTANT[/b] thing -- you go to weekly Mass and participate in family prayer, rosary, study at home, school and other Church activities through the week.

One thing I have told them from time to time is that this is not suppose to be the most exciting thing always -- sometimes it is boring and drudgery -- but we do it because we must.
Kathryn05 · 41-45, F
@beckychandler I've told my girls the very same things and I tell them life isn't fair and it's not fun all the time so you need to take the good with the bad.

Oh you'd like her to be a nun? Seems rather extreme to me but I guess it's not a bad choice. I bet high school changes her opinions but guess we'll see.

As for my daughter we resolved it pretty simply, like you all of the church things including study at home and at church and school are non-optional. So we gave her a choice either she participates and has a good attitude or I spank her bottom ever time she doesn't cooperate. She's stubborn but her bottom gave in eventually.
Sagiri · 26-30, F
Maybe having a friends who will invite her to go to church every sunday
Sagiri · 26-30, F
@Kathryn05: if she dont want to go,just tell her dont forget to thank god every night.dont distance herself to god
Kathryn05 · 41-45, F
@Emilia: It's a good idea! :) I really don't want her to lose that connection. It's frustrating to me because I don't know why she feels like she isn't connected to God
Sagiri · 26-30, F
@Kathryn05: it can't be help some kids are like that nowadays , it's good that you're not letting her :)
Gandalf · 26-30, M
Shouldn't have to use 'tactics' let them make their own choices
Kathryn05 · 41-45, F
@Gandalf: As I said before she's a child so her choices are not her own yet
[b]I see that you are one of those freaks with the spanking fetish, so I hope you are one pathetic troll sitting in a basement somewhere, and none of this is really happening.[/b]
MrsPeterEvans · 31-35, F
Perhaps she can have a role in the Sunday School helping out. Is she old enough for mire grown up dresses and nylons to help her feel it's a special occasion?
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suzie1960 · 61-69, F
@Saturn26: The main thing that turned me right against christianity was
having it forced on me.
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Pop0159 · 61-69, M
There is a fine line between guiding your kids to a proper, respective and beneficial life .. .. and forcing them into something they won't accept .. .. that said a child's life has 7 days .. .. .. exchange more freedom on Saturdays and week nights for willing participating in Sunday events .. .. let her know you are not forcing her to believe but asking her to learn and share .. .. allow ber to include friend in sunday events and the attebd some Sunday events with her friends .. .. But more then be patient with her .. ..

Good luck
suzie1960 · 61-69, F
Don't force her. She's clearly smart enough to know it's a waste of time. Some people don't find out until they're much older - if at all. :(
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MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
Hmm, my mother and father let me and my brother choose not to go, but a few years later we came back on our own. Maybe youre pushing them away by forcing them, try to find other means to talk to them about God, it doesnt have to be church every time, youre a teacher as well.
MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
@Kathryn05: it all depends on how old they are
Kathryn05 · 41-45, F
@MartinTheFirst: Guess so she's 14 by the way
MartinTheFirst · 22-25, M
@Kathryn05: sounds like they should be old enough to make their decisions... be careful, you might regret forcing.

 
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