Have any of you women experienced a stillbirth?

I'm so very sorry for your friend's loss. I can't even imagine the heartbreak and pain. 💔

My wife and I thankfully never experienced this. A friend of mine did, though. Unfortunately, they didn't live near us so I had to watch from afar...

[b]How did you get through it?[/b]

I really don't know how they did, frankly. Both a deeply religious, and they certainly drew some strength from their faith. They leaned on family and friends - sometimes a lot more than they ever expected to, and sometimes for seemingly simple things like, "Oh, we need milk."

[b]Were you able to have children thereafter, and if so were the births difficult? (of course, her biggest concern/fear)[/b]

My friend and his wife (well, they're both my friend,really) were in fact able to have two beautiful, wonderful girls. The girls knew about their "brother in heaven" from the beginning. Both pregnancies were thoroughly normal, although of course they were terrified each time.

Everybody is different, of course. From what I understand a whole lot of the answer here depends on [i]why[/i]. This is a conversation your friend can have with her doctor once she's ready.

[b]And from myself....How can I be there for her without being too intrusive?[/b]

My opinion? Be intrusive, at least sometimes. Cook dinner. Take their dirty laundry back to your house and bring it back the next day. Arrange for somebody to mow their lawn. They're reeling, and our society teaches us that whenever somebody asks, "What can I do to help" we usually don't say. That doesn't mean you should [i]always[/i] be intrusive, of course. Ask what they need/want and listen to what they say - and how they say it. But if they tell you some form of "nothing" pretty consistently, find something to help with.

Aside from that, be a rock for her. Give her - and her husband! - your shoulder whenever it's needed. Hold her hand while she talks through her feelings. Offer to take her - or at least go with her - to any doctor's appointments. And never judge her, no matter how tempting it may be at times. We all grieve differently; there's no right or wrong way. Let her grieve her way, and support her as best as you can through it.

Good luck. Again, I'm so sorry your friend is having to go through this. 😥

This information may help - from March of Dimes.


I have never experienced this, but several close friends have.

How you get through it is to let yourself mourn, as with any other loss. There were hopes and expectations, and the loss is a very real one.

I have heard people say, “How can she be grief-stricken? She didn't even know the baby.” Those people are lacking in imagination and empathy.

It will take time for the parents - maybe especially the mother, to process this loss and learn to get on with life, like it does with any death.

Not a stillbirth, but one of my grand daughters had two miscarriages before she eventually bore a son. And judging from that experience my best advice would be to quietly encourage your friend to be honest and open about it, not to let her bury her emotions deep inside and try to lock the feelings away as some might be tempted to do. To take every word she says literally when she tells you how horrible she feels, and to mourn the loss of child as if it were your own while all the time allowing her to keep the child alive in her heart so she know it will never be forgotten.

It's a lot to expect of you and I don't know what other support options are available but if I was her main support that'd what I'd try to do.

PS. There isn't a day goes by when my grand daughter doesn't think about the two she lost, so I'm not even sure "recovery" is an appropriate goal. To my mind it's more case of how much extra strength will she need to be able to carry that load.

As far as what you can do to help, the bottom line is, listen to her when she wants to talk. Help her understand (when she’s ready) that it wasn’t the time she got angry or the time she tripped over the cat and fell...[b]it was not her fault.[/b]

I would suggest she talk to her family doctor. It’s not a easy thing and only can be answered by her doctor because they have her file. Good luck

There’s more here - https://americanpregnancy.org/pregnancy-loss/stillborn-surviving-emotionally/

My biggest suggestion is when she does get pregnant schedule a c section! My friend went through it 3 times and idk why they don’t automaticity say this. Get a c section next time!!!

I cannot speak for most of these questions but I can speak to one...

Childbirth after is possible depending on her reproductive health. As well, she might be termed as a high risk pregnancy for any pregnancies after this. That just means that the doctor will monitor her more often and that she might have to stop working sooner ...just all depends on her body specifically.

Maybe there is a support group through the hospital for mothers who have had stillborns or miscarriages. It is worth a shot. This might help her to meet others who have experienced this.