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Has your upbring had a negative effect on your life?

Mine has. I was kinda sheltered, and wasn't allowed to do much, because of all the negative things my siblings did. Its like i got punished for it.
I didn't get to go out with friends, go to parties etc.
It's once reason I feel I'm socially awkward at times. Didn't get much of a chance to develop those skills early, when it was crucial. Spent every summer alone. Watch tv, read a book, go outside and play" with who? People are gone, enjoying their summer..

Anyway.
Started a group in real life to get out of my comfort zone.
Want to delete it.
Just got back from a movie outing. Im not good at small talk so i feel like i look stupid trying to be a group leader.

Rally need a friend but they seem so hard to come by.
And since i have no life experience, i dont have much to talk about
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I chose to be a survivor , not a victim!
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swirlie · 31-35, F
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No, not negative at all in my life. My upbringing was in a rural setting and my parent's outlook on children has always been very positive. I do however empathize with what you are stating in your post. I have seen the opposite to what I have experienced in other families.

What we as our parent's children have a tendency to do, is continue with the plaster mould our parents had cast for us during our childhood. What most people have a hard time getting their head around is the fact that our parents do not own us. They merely raised us to adulthood and then... we were expected by all concerned, to leave the nest and not return to live in mom and dad's basement while living off dad's pension, which seems to be the trend these days among college-educated children.

But just because our parents cast the first mould of what our young lives would look like, please keep in mind that their intention was for that mould to serve THEM in some way at the time, not us. Yet the truth is, our parent's decision for the shape of that mould was usually made by them on the fly, often in a state of parental desperation and by no means intended as a permanent 'fix' for anything that appeared way too overwhelming for either of them at the time.

What a temporary mould then means, is that it can be broken into pieces after we leave the confines and rules of our parent's house, recycle those broken pieces and then re-create a mould for our lives which define us as adults who no longer live as servants to our parent's in their little world of misperception.

If your life has been representing remnants of your parent's past influence, it is because you have not yet taken control of your own life. Your parents are not responsible for the awkward state you feel you are in socially today; it was your responsibility to re-invent yourself the day you moved out of your parent's house. You are now in full control of the mould-making, mould-breaking machine. Change your mind about who you want to be when you grow up! But don't blame your parents for not changing their mould FOR you regarding how they thought you should be from the time you started grade school! Don't forget, most parents plateau socially at about the time their first child is born. In most cases therefore, it is the parents who are stuck in the time of their children's childhood, not the children themselves after becoming adults.

But our job as children is NOT to raise our parents! Get out and leave your parents to find their own way, just like they expected you to eventually do![/c]

 
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