[c=#BF0080]I get tired of having to set boundaries here or anywhere else.
I do [b]NOT[/b] consider this to be a place I come to collect adult friends to 'play' with or exchange anything other than conversation.
When I have made sure that I have my profile 'About Me' set up, I feel it is rude to be inboxed for anything other than friendship! Big sigh. Rant/vent over! 😔🙄[/c][/center]
I can only imagine what a woman especially goes through around here. I've seen what some members do, and once they get their foot in the door, that's when everything comes off. It's like they think because a woman says hello, it's a green light for more. I don't get it.
@SW-User Hmm, well sometimes it seems that some are constantly here lol.
Hey, as long as you enjoy it, that's what matters. Drowning in 🎶 music sounds like one good way to go lmao. I like listening to other's play guitar and love hearing the sax!
SW-User
@JerseyGal I used to play sax, but I sold mine a few years ago. I just didn't have the interest in it that I once did.
Some people live here, more than they live outside of here. I forget to turn my light off sometimes, and people get mad because I don't respond to them.lol I don't take "here" as seriously as some people think I should I guess. I do like to meet people and have conversations and in some cases, make a new friend. I am always open to friendship.
@SW-User I used to play clarinet, but lost interest too.
I do turn my light on at times, but more often, I don't. Same as you, people would get upset if I didn't reply and my light was on. At night, I'd fall asleep and leave it on. It happens. 🤷
I'm always open to friendship also. Especially when I find that there's actual conversation! ☺
@SW-User @seeandhear That really is sad. I guess I'll be filling my blocks up then. If someone is that disrespectful and can't even read before messaging or assuming, then I want no contact with them.
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We have to set those boundaries, it is a good thing.
@JerseyGal But we do and have to enforce them by our actions. I refuse to engage with those who disrespect or try to step over my boundaries. I may give one warning that should be good if not apparently they are someone who is never going to be respectful so bye, bye
To expect others to NOT push your boundaries is setting yourself up for endless frustration, ESPECIALLY online. Many, many, many people are here simply to indulge in and serve their own personal desires, with little to no interest in anyone else's wants, needs or desires. Heck, some are just here simply to push others buttons. They're called trolls.
To expect others to read your "About Me" entry and respect your boundaries is like putting a "Back Off!" bumper sticker on your car and expecting people not to tailgate you in traffic. Do yourself a favor and expect the worst of people, especially online. This attitude is not pessimistic, it's realistic. I've seen countless people metaphorically take their ball and go home because others don't play fair. You gotta develop a thick skin if you hooe to survive any online community.
@MrEMann Really, it's not even all about reading other's "about me" sections. It's more about being respectful and sadly, there's not much of that online or in real. I definitely have a thick skin, thank you for the suggestion though. I've been on here and EP for 10 years now. I'm not going anywhere. This post is basically just putting my opinion out there. Too bad there's too many selfish people around that care only about themselves. Thanks for your comment.
You're quite welcome. And I wasn't trying to be critical. I also understand the value in venting. My comments are meant to help someone get to a better place where things can more easily roll off their backs and the need to vent becomes infrequent.
I'm gonna use another traffic analogy here...
We can allow our blood pressure to rise when that driver cuts too close in front of us without using a signal. Or, we can simply pump our brakes and avoid an accident and realize this is all a part of driving.
Simply, it does a person good to expect less of others, especially strangers. Actually, it's a lot less frustrating when we expect them to behave improperly.
It's like this...
Would that cool, breezy, summer day feel as good if we didn't have those crappy, gloomy, snowy, slushy days to compare them to? The same holds true for people, maybe even more so. Those self-absorbed fools shine light on our truly good friends.
@Peaches I know my friend. I don't ask for much. But if someone is going to message me or communicate on posts, at least be respectful. We don't have to agree, but also don't need to be rude about it. 🤗
@Fungirlmmm Which is great my friend. Also, even if some on here are not with anyone, that doesn't mean or warrant that they want pictures or to "play".
I hear you. You should be able to “escape” here without being harassed. People need to adopt an “opt-in” policy when dealing with others. This means unless someone explicitly invites you to share intimate pictures, conversation, etc, one should refrain. Period.
I have rules in my about and I even put in the little headline on my profile that says please read my about me before PM'ing. So, people are warned before they start acting assy and take it personally.
I had to block a few certain type of people because they didn't respect my boundaries. They have the right to have a NSFW or have it whatever they want but they forget that I am not obligated to interact with them if I don't want to.
@Chickie I have info on my profile too, but the problem is that too many will not read. They need to. This site is turning way too much into an adult poem type site and that's a shame.
Very well put. I couldn't have said it any better myself. Your about me section is perfect and the boundaries should be respected. There seems to be a lack of that here.
@sassypants Thank you so much! There really is a lack of respect towards other's boundaries here. It's why I've made it clear from the beginning, which is what makes it more frustrating.
Those members that message you have a certain agenda and never take the time to even read your profile or find out anything about you. I am getting more accustomed to not replying and blocking them.
@sassypants Same here. I have found that if someone really wants to message me to chat, learn more first by reading my about me or take the time to read my message that comes up before they message me. If they do not have time for that, I have no time for their nonsense. 😌
One reason is that SW is an anonymous site, so people feel less inhibited. You won't find those same attitudes on Facebook or Quora since users have to use their real names on those sites.
@LeopoldBloom Thing is just because a site may be anonymous does not excuse a person's behavior. It does not excuse anyone to harass or abuse another. That's what it is coming to because if they get called on their behavior, they cry out about freedom of speech.
@JerseyGal I agree, people shouldn't use anonymity as an excuse to act like trolls. The point of anonymity on EP and here was to allow people to share personal, private stories without fear of retaliation or embarrassment. I don't have a problem with that. It also gives people an opportunity to express opinions that would land them in serious trouble in certain countries.
That is the positive aspect and is the objective of free speech. The drawback is people being anonymous assholes. I'm not sure how to limit that. Quora makes it easy to report people who violate the BNBR guidelines. SW has a report feature but I've never used it and I don't know how effective it is. I have seen one profile that had a header saying something to the effect that the user was on notice for posting nude photos in a public area. I don't know if you can report people for being rude however.
Also, "free speech" generally refers to freedom under the First Amendment, where the government cannot take action against you for expressing an unpopular opinion. It doesn't mean that you're entitled to a venue, however. SW is a private business and they can limit users' posts however they want.
We haven't spoken much lately, but we used to inbox a lot, but it's always been very much within boundaries.
As far as that checking out profiles goes, I have to somewhat disagree. Maybe some people are too shy or otherwise hesitant to put themselves out there for all to see. Doesn't necessarily make them bad people.
Other profiles can be lit up like an asshole convention, but they may turn out to be the best people you'd want to meet.
I wonder what Ted Bundy's profile would have looked like, had he been on here?
People are not mind readers and sometimes are tired of trying to figure someone out just like you are tired of setting boundaries. It is the internet and that sort of thing is going to happen anywhere free exchange of thought is allowed. If you want a more structured environment perhaps Facebook would be a better idea. Rant/vent over.
@Subsumedpat Basic respect should be given to anyone we encounter on the internet or anywhere else. Saying it is the internet like that is an excuse to be an ass grinds my gears a bit.
@SW-User I agree. That's the problem. Too many use excuses to do things here they would never do to someone in person. Then say "well, it's the Internet; it's expected". That is very disrespectful. For me, it's common courtesy here or any other site, just like it should be if seeing someone in person. Free exchange of thought is everywhere ... That does not excuse assinine behavior.
@JerseyGal Well if they do not know what en and oh stand for, why on earth should one waste ones time on some sadistic scum that has most probably been washed ashore from some other undesirable site.
@wickey I won't waste my time, but the mute option does work well too. Since there are only so many blocks available, I use those when I feel I have no choice.
