I Am Very Selective When It Comes to Letting People Get Close

Not everyone has the same heart as I do, and having had my heart broken beyond belief I have learned to be more cautious in my attempt to protect it. Especially concerning men. Bad memories, hurtful words and betrayal have made me more careful about who I let into my life and how I get to know them. Because many people simply don't deserve my trust. Finding ones who stay loyal, have your back and keep your secrets is becoming more rare. Why is this? My thoughts, feelings, heartbreaks and dreams may not mean as much to someone else, even if they pretend it does. Some know what it means to be great friends and genuinely care while others only care about themselves. Online, I am sure this is even more of a problem which is why no one needs to know that much about me. Sharing your personal life with so many people is a big risk, but it's fine to be a little cynical and it's okay to not be too trusting. It just means being extra careful about those I let into my life and heart.

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Highonheels · 51-55, M

Unfortunately I feel somewhat the same way about women but I like to think that to receive love , trust and respect you must also earn love trust & respect so you have to be somewhat open to it in order to give it yourself but at the same time you have to love , trust and respect yourself in order to earn others love , trust and respect it’s a rather viscous circle really. The problem I think these days is people get together for many of the wrong reasons and they usually don’t give themselves enough time to really get to know eachother but then some people change after marriage sets in , granted marriage can be a difficult union in the first place then you start haveing a family the stress of jobs , family and social life financial stress it can be a little bit too much at times then it becomes a job just to keep the marriage alive then she or he becomes a totally different person with having to deal with it all.
I’ll be honest I used to believe in soulmates and still somewhat do but I thought my wife was it I told myself once I was married I’d never get divorced , HA man was I wrong I couldn’t stand being with her after 15 years and three kids she completely changed into someone who I didn’t even know anymore & we dated for 4 years before marriage I though I knew her but marriage changes people I actually became someone I didn’t even recognize she treated me like crap almost the whole time except when she wanted a baby then she was all lovey dovey but when I said number 3 was it it was a total switch in attitude and personality & I dealt with it for several years untill I just couldn’t do it anymore , I gave in or finally got the courage and left her , I hated leaving my kids behind but the guy I became then they wouldn’t have wanted to be around but since then I’ve done a lot of soul searching and I am better and stronger for it and a much better father who my kids love and respect , thanks be to god for giving me the strength to do what was best for me and my kids.

Snuffy1957 · 61-69, M

It really bugs me that other men screw it up with women for guys like me who or loyal have your back and keep your secrets :-(

Highonheels · 51-55, M

@Snuffy1957 yep I totally agree

Sylverlady · 51-55, F

@Snuffy1957 But we won't let that happen. We'll shift you out from the bad guys!

Snuffy1957 · 61-69, M

@Sylverlady Awwww that's awful sweet of you:)

Jlhzfromep · M

I totally understand. We all have parts of us that we hold tight from others. Even those who seem to share everything most likely are keeping some things to themselves.
There is enjoyment in finding someone unique to develope a friendship with and finding out just how many of those walls you built around your heart that you truely want to open the door to. Most of mine stay closed but their have been rare exceptions that enriched my life even if for a short period of time.
I hope you find friends to share even a little of yourself with.

Sylverlady · 51-55, F

@Jlhzfromep Thank you!

sometimeslonelytoo · 51-55, M

I think that's very wise, especially online. I'm very private online too. Been hurt before, and been hurt online too. Not worth getting into again, is my sad conclusion. It's lovely to read stories, the way they were written on EP of old, and to have actual conversations. A lot of people seem to think this is more of an instagram alternative, posting pictures more than words. Well, everyone has different reasons for being here, and people choose to you the site differently from others.

Highonheels · 51-55, M

I think people come into our lives for a reason and they also leave for a reason but sometimes it’s hard to see them go that is the hard part and sometimes it breaks our heat and we just wanna give up on love but if you completely close yourself off you’ll never meet another untill you learn to open yourself up again and sometimes it’s a long , hard lesson to learn.

Sylverlady · 51-55, F

@Highonheels I threw myself into work, interests, just to close myself off from the possible emotion attachment which could come from developing new relationships. On bitten, twice shy as they say. But I sometimes feel that if I did meet someone, perhaps the timing would be right and I would think differently about having a partner again. But it takes time to get to know people and who says we have to rush? But this is one of the problems, some of us rush into friendships/relationships often due to loneliness without thinking it through. I can't ever promise myself not to make the same mistake, but in the end isn't life and love full of chances we ought to risk taking?

Highonheels · 51-55, M

I don’t really believe in the timing being right I think it’s just when your ready to put yourself out here again and take the risk , every friendship / relationship is a risk that we take with our hearts and our minds , there’s no guarantee that it will last people come and go in our lives and we just have to be strong and believe that when we’re ready god will bring someone else into our life and present to us with another challenge , you see each relationship we get into is a challenge a trial if you will and we can either accept the challenge or deny it , it’s our free will that gives us that choice but if you accept it you have to take the good with the bad there’s always gonna be ups and downs in any relationship posative traits and negative traits , strengths and flaws it’s all in how we deal with those things , and sometimes the other person just can’t deal with some aspects of the relationship and has to leave and while it may be heartbreaking it’s a lesson we learn in this life and we must summon the strength to try again in time when we feel we’re ready.

SW-User

Agreed 👍🏻

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