I Am In Pain

It's not the physical type. My mind and heart are deeply tormented. There are a lot of changes happening in life at the moment and I don't feel very stable. I feel wobbly. Recently I've started thinking again of what it would be like to end things - but I never could. I have a spark of resilience that I wont let go of. But I am tired of fighting for and searching and trying to hold onto happiness. Its overrated anyways. Everyone leaves eventually, or I leave them before they can. There are a 101 thoughts racing through my head of unworthiness. The person I want to talk to isn't available. It feels like I'm struggling to breathe. I want comfort but I don't know how or what or anything. I feel like I'm drowning. It hurts so much. The pain in my chest feels like someone has burned a hole inside me. Occasionally stabbing me to be sure. I want to ask for help but I know I just need to ride this out. It wont last forever.