I Feel So Alone

I always feel like this. Even though I can always imagine my life being totally different, me having friends and a girlfriend, it just never happens. I can constantly picture myself actually being truly happy for once and having the life I've always wanted, but nothing ever changes or gets better. Things either get worse or stay the same, things staying the same for so long is basically the equivalent of things getting worse :/ . And then I'm always afraid that once I do finally get my lucky chance I won't recognize it and I'll panic and freak out and cheat myself out of another perfectly good opportunity. So I really have no idea what I'm even doing.

Yeah but I'm me and I hate being alone with no one. I don't want boring, I want someone to have fun with me.

I work full time and spend little time at my house. I fish a lot and wander around aimlessly all too much.