I Think Too Much
Emotionally I am stranded in a difficult situation, from where I sometimes question myself and my ways. I like to believe in others' goodness, especially when I know they are good. However, when they act differently, and I see they are suffering deep within, it depresses me. There is a constant struggle to share their bad moments so they may find peace. I do it simply coz I don't want to see them like that and they probably know it too. Yet they push me back and hide behind a wall. I don't blame them but I blame myself. Coz they're hurt for some reasons and it's obvious from their actions. And, I am probably miserable myself so they find me trustworthy. But I wish they realized my intentions are not bad either, but I just want to be a part of this journey and share their things.
Sometimes it's easy to not care for anything and be on your own, let them do whatever they want to. I've seen people doing this to me for a long time. In past I used to blame them and once decided I'd be same. But something didn't let me become like that. I don't connect well with people and on a very rare occasions when I do, I get very dedicated to them, to a point I often forget to distinguish when I am drowning but it's not them. Probably that's my flaw, a self destructing one. Still, there is a satisfaction in that endeavor, at least I can tell myself that I try. So, I carry on with that flaw.
I also don't think people will reciprocate the feelings I have for them. It's not necessary always. I have a pathetic view about me that I am often work as a temporary missing link which will always be replaced. My cousin who knows I am like that tells me it's stupidity to show emotions and fight for them when they don't even know how to value it but for a better deal will throw you in a dustbin tomorrow. I never listened to him, despite of the fact, he's always known me correctly. Again, the culprit is my emotions. But I wonder how would I be if I was really like him, someone totally devoid of any feelings but made of pure logic and apathy. Good, I am not.
I've decided I'll remain like this even if things get messy. A few things need to be prioritized more than myself. It's easy to be selfish but somehow I feel I am not like that so I won't change my ways even if things get bad to worse, for me. I can't go back on my own words. I will stick to them even if I lose everything.
[b]PS. please don't comment under this story. I just wrote it to throw out my week long pent-up stress.[/b]
Sometimes it's easy to not care for anything and be on your own, let them do whatever they want to. I've seen people doing this to me for a long time. In past I used to blame them and once decided I'd be same. But something didn't let me become like that. I don't connect well with people and on a very rare occasions when I do, I get very dedicated to them, to a point I often forget to distinguish when I am drowning but it's not them. Probably that's my flaw, a self destructing one. Still, there is a satisfaction in that endeavor, at least I can tell myself that I try. So, I carry on with that flaw.
I also don't think people will reciprocate the feelings I have for them. It's not necessary always. I have a pathetic view about me that I am often work as a temporary missing link which will always be replaced. My cousin who knows I am like that tells me it's stupidity to show emotions and fight for them when they don't even know how to value it but for a better deal will throw you in a dustbin tomorrow. I never listened to him, despite of the fact, he's always known me correctly. Again, the culprit is my emotions. But I wonder how would I be if I was really like him, someone totally devoid of any feelings but made of pure logic and apathy. Good, I am not.
I've decided I'll remain like this even if things get messy. A few things need to be prioritized more than myself. It's easy to be selfish but somehow I feel I am not like that so I won't change my ways even if things get bad to worse, for me. I can't go back on my own words. I will stick to them even if I lose everything.
[b]PS. please don't comment under this story. I just wrote it to throw out my week long pent-up stress.[/b]
