Coming Out can be shit, even if the person you're coming out to is supportive.

I mentioned in a previous post how my mum found out that I'm bisexual, but I didn't talk much about the aftermath. As far as she knows, there wasn't any. But for me, there were definitely repercussions of her having that knowledge. Until the day she found out, and since, I've heard so many people talk about how they felt liberated when they came out. How they felt happier, how they felt like a weight had been lifted.

Good for them.

I felt exposed. I felt like I had opened up my borders and let myself be invaded. It didn't matter that she was fine with it, I felt like that part of me was exposed in a very uncomfortable way. I have no problem with my sexuality; I love loving boys, and I love loving girls. But still, I felt immensely uncomfortable about my mum finding out.

I'm still not entirely sure why. I have spent hours on end trying to justify that feeling to myself, and I can find no rational explanation. I can't even find an irrational explanation. It just made me uncomfortable.

Which was all the more weird when I mentioned my sexuality while talking to people from my school, because after that I neither had a positive nor a negative feeling towards that knowledge getting out.

I guess it's easier to be yourself with people you don't know very well.

Top | Newest First | Oldest First

Zeuro · 26-30, F

I'm not sure what possessed me to tell my mom I was bi, but I did not get the response I expected. I was in a strangely good mood and mentioned it so casually and was honestly kind of expecting an "oh, I kinda suspected." Instead she was shocked, made me sit down and explain it to her for like an hour. Asked dumb questions like "wait, so do you like men?". She's not anti gay but she told me that since I have the choice it's better to just pursue straight relationships. That kinda stung. We haven't really talked about it since and she doesn't seem to acknowledge it, so I'm not sure if she assumes it was just a phase? Or maybe even forgot? Overall just felt worse than I expected, and haven't told anyone else in my family.

Thinking about how I told my 3 roommates makes me happy though. I said "I swing both ways" and one of them said "nice." And that was that. Wish it could've been a bit more like that with my mom, but such is life.

Zeuro · 26-30, F

@Zeuro basically, although my experience is a little different I know what you mean!

CaptainCanadia · 41-45, M

I don't think you necessarily need a rational explanation for your discomfort. If it's a vulnerability of yours, you're going to feel vulnerable like there's an exposed nerve that wasn't there before. Everyone is different about this stuff. I hope it becomes easier and happier though. And hopefully if your mom remains great about it, it will.

SW-User

Personally, I ain't gay... so I cant say I relate. I can and will however, say that it's okay to Like, Boys, Girls, or even Both.

But the only thing that matters when it comes to self interest, in this case (meaning things you like) is that whoever you like, likes you back. If you feel uncomfortable talking about it to people, just remember, people won't like what you say, or what you like, but there will always be people who feel the same way, and by sharing this, maybe you'll help someone else.

Point being, like what you like, and like it till you either don't like it anymore, or like it forever. If anyone says any different (other than you obviously) Then just ignore them. Your personal interests, are yours for a reason. Not theirs. Yours.

froggtongue · M

Thank you for sharing. I don't know exactly what to say. But the chances are that if you at least feel this way, then there are probably others who do too. You might not find your answer soon, but it would seem reasonable that you have already found it.

Add a comment...