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Too late or unnecessary?

Don't be offended. This has nothing to do with you and everything with me.
Since my views of myself are apparently quite offensive even to LGBT people and/or people who "support" LGBT people out there.

I'm closing in on 26 now and for the past several years, I've been feeling rather uncomfortable when it comes to my own image. I think the hair is probably the main issue here.
Balding on top of a beard that seems like it's just growing magically and equally annoying body-hair to boot.
--it's gonna be a bit before I get to the point btw.
I've been accepting everything as is, it doesn't necessarily make me feel "bad" (depressed as some think) but it definitely does make me feel like I'm not looking at myself in the mirror anymore.
Obviously the balding is not really reversible for as far as I know and whether or not I shave my beard, I always have what they call a "5 o'clock shadow". Even body hair seem to leave a shadow even when waxed and it grows back within hours, as ridiculous as it may sound.
As I grew up, I was still taught the old ways, no side-cuts, any "LGBT-behavior" was and is still quite frowned upon. And being with a family that's quite homophobic for most, it's difficult to be yourself.
Now here's the thing, I never had any issues with people not following the so-called "norm", even growing up. I didn't care what they said and even tho I don't entirely fall within the "community", I still didn't feel comfortable to be myself. I tried in somewhat unnoticeable ways but try as I might, without any real push behind it, here I am with the issues.
--I guess I'll have to start getting to the point here soon.
I am a guy, born that way, feel that way. Always have and probably will be.
But when I was younger, I looked more like a girl ... by choice. I also felt more comfortable when people saw me as such even tho I, again, don't feel as such, never have.
However after all this time I've realized that, the fact that I look like a man and people see me as such, really bothers me. I find it kind of disgusting. That's kind of the feeling that I have when I look in the mirror. So in short, I guess I feel like I should look like a girl even if I don't feel like I am one. Even to me that makes little sense but the thought alone somehow puts me at ease.

--Here's the actual THING now.

I don't know if it's a smart idea or even possible at this point for me to make changes.
Transitioning without a real transition, if that makes sense.
It feels like it would've been a good idea, if I wasn't 26, still had hair and didn't have a magical beard (/bodyhair).

I'm honestly kind of hoping to get the attention of some transgender (and alike) that have been or are going through the transition to maybe shine a bit more light into it. Whether or not they think it would be a good/bad idea and why. Or maybe some things I can do to just be more ... myself.





PS: Just to ... solidify?! my point on how different me-now VS younger-me is ... no one who hasn't seen me since I was 17-18 still knows who I am. The natural changes, in a really short period of time, have been that drastic.
Su0Morrello · 13-15, F
I hope you grow comfortable in your own skin, that’s all you need lovely, you don’t need to look like a girl. But you could probably talk to a doctor with that area of expertise. <3
this Q wasn't for me, but why can't guys/gals have beards and wear dresses? why should you be anything but what you are in this moment? fuck what everyone else thinks, you will never please them. but you can live change and live by example. what do you want to express? fear or courage? this is coming from a chick with body hair. i know it's not the same but i decided to stop hating myself just because society says you "have" to be one way, look a certain way, do everything the same as everyone else. fuck 'em.
@PurpleStar sorry, i'm ignorant about this stuff but i'm also curious. i just wish people didn't feel so pressured to be anything but themselves. no one is perfect. you are beautiful.
PurpleStar · 26-30, F
@lovelywarpedlemon That's just the entire post tho. I couldn't be myself back when I was young. Making me what I am now and now that I am older, I feel like I can't be what I feel like I am because of well, everything mentioned above, including age :(
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ninalanyon · 61-69, T
Well, this isn't a direct response to the post but I think it is relevant or related in a tangential sort of way.

I'm a crossdresser and I go out in public wearing skirts, tights, ankle boots, blouses, jewellery, colourful jackets and fluffy scarves, etc. But I have a beard, and receding hair. So I'm obviously not a woman. But on a recent shopping trip I went to a dozen different shops including big department stores dressed like this:


Those ankle boots have heels of hard leather, people can hear me coming from quite some distance away depending on the flooring material so I can't claim that no one knew I was there.

I felt fabulous, on top of the world! Out of the hundreds of people I passed I was one of very few dressed in a skirt, most women were wearing trousers and low shoes (often trainers, yukk). I didn't notice anyone react at all.

Like you I'm having trouble getting to the point, if there even is one.

Perhaps it is this: you don't have to be hairless to be feminine nor hairy to be masculine and everyone changes as they age.

That probably didn't help you, sorry; it's all part of my use of SW as a kind of therapy, it lets me express what I cannot say to friends and family.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do and don't make any hasty decisions.

Nina xx
PurpleStar · 26-30, F
@ninalanyon I've noticed a lot of people think that I think I need to look a certain way to be "feminine", which is definitely not the case.

I just don't like myself to be hairy. I find it rather "disgusting". And anything I want to do (but don't) is because of my personal thoughts/opinion of it, not what other people think. On top of that I kind of have my own view of "girly", I suppose.
So for example, I wouldn't go around in a skirt or general female clothes because I think that I look bad in them. Not that I was thinking of wearing clothes aimed towards females like skirts and such, I already don't like wearing shorts ... so yeah, that's a thing XD
Besides there are clothes that are more feminine within male clothes, that I personally do like and wear if they fit that is.

 
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