I Lost My Best Friend My Mother

This month was her death anniversary, and it has killed me inside.
I've hide it pretty good, because not many care, but I have came to the realization i've lost myself because of it.
I've been drinking so much, and pretty much have been self-medicating.
I don't know who I am anymore, and the depression is kicking my ass. I have had so many thoughts of suicide, that im scared I might go through with it.
I don't have family, or really any friends.
This has been such a huge struggle because my mom was my everything, now I have nothing.
I really scared of myself.
I know people will just tell me to get help, but there's no "help" in this town.
Just doctors mocking​ you, and putting you down.
I just don't know what to do anymore.