If stopping varies times smoking and losing weight wasn't a sign of change and it drove me to be optimistic but

I don't know I was very optimistic in the past but not anymore I'm tired of of showing change only for someone to tell to be happy with your family and what you have. Nope I want my own family, if I show sign of changes it was also a time for them to change for god sake I almost died two years ago. How can poor ignorant people experience "Eros" but not me never had a girlfriend. My dad said he suffer from hunger when he was young and that he had to work when he was kid but two days ago I found out that he was smoking around the age of 15. I was like huh but you said you were poor you wouldn't be able to afford ciggarete . The poverty they show on tv is usually extreme circumstances, poverty around the world is pretty much the same as in America you have your rich and poor. I just wonder if now what God has for me is a " Girl"