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I Feel Worlds Apart From You

You see me like I'm right in front of you. You treat me like who's right in front of you. But that's not me.
If any of you could relate, our conversations wouldn't be hollow.
If I could relate to any of you, I would have connected with at least one of you.
I sit here perplexed by my isolation. Surely someone with a heart like mine, with my love and my affection, wouldn't watch another lover/dreamer pass by. I wouldn't. So I haven't met my counterpart yet.
Maybe we're all so different from one another that none of us can relate, but that sounds like bullshit when I see you "hanging out" with your "friends." You have some. People you chance on everyday could be your friends, but I've never chanced on someone I can feel comfortable around.
Judging from that, I must be rare. If I can't find me, I must not be in every city.

The other explanation is just that I'm the reason I don't have friends like that. That, even if I met me, we wouldn't be comfortable around each other. But I really can't see how that could be true... I have more love than I can possibly find a place for, and if I met someone who could accept me for that, I'd never let them leave (and they'd never let me leave).
But you're wondering why I can't accept the people around me and why I can't build that friendship now. It's not accepting them, it's being accepted. It's my decision, though, is it not? Well maybe, but let me ask you this: do you have to force yourself to hang out with your friends? Do you have to be someone other than yourself in order to keep those friends? Are they worth it? Because friendships like those aren't worth it to me. I can't choose to be accepted by you, but yet I accept you and wish for someone to accept me just the same. That's all I want at heart... to love and be loved. I need to be accepted on a deeper level, otherwise I'm just tense and never content around you. But no one's okay with me the same way I'm okay with them.

I understand I have high demands when it comes to who I'll call friend, but I demand them because they are the things my mind has demanded of me, and I can never silence those voices.
I need to be loved, but I'll never ask for more love than I have to give.

Don't try to understand me from these words, they'll never read the same way I write them. These words are only a resonance of how a feel in this brief instant. But god I wish there was someone with whom I could build a future with... instead of just counting the days that my friendships last because they are always forced and they always snap. That's exactly the word to use: forced. There must be a relationship out there that will come naturally for me. There must be someone who will take away my fears and let me open up. I'm spinning on a dime ready to give you all of those things... I just need to find you. Why is it so damn hard? Why are we so damn far apart?

 
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