Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

My best friend thinks I'm making a big mistake in going to see my mother. Does she have a point?

My mom said to me over the phone (finally she answered) that she wants to see me sometime. I'm thinking about going to see her. My best friend things I'm making a big mistake. She said, "If you're thinking about living there then I'm going to end up being very lonely and you're just going to have a great time and you won't even wanna come back. I heard enough already. You're going to forget about me!" I told her we're always best friends but I don't know how long I wanna stay. I love mom and wanna reconcile with her but my best friend flat out told me, "There is one thing I don't understand and I don't wanna sound brutally blunt but...why do you wanna visit or stay with the woman that made it clear that she doesn't even want you? She walked our on you guys to have her own life and let you down so many times and only thinks about herself. Why are you even considering this?" That really strucked me with this and kind of offended me but I knew she had a point. She said I keep denying the my mom doesn't give a shit about us and doesn't want us anymore. Is my best friend right? Is it worth it. I really wanna be with my mother. It hurt is really bad that she abandoned us and doesn't even regret it. I told her there's people she can hang with but she rather hang with me than the others.
Madhatter · 31-35, M
It sounds like your friend does have a point, but at the same time, she isn't exactly being a good friend, either. If your mother doesn't regret leaving and even now, she doesn't even make an effort to answer or return your calls, then yes, it's probably safe to say that she just isn't really interested in you. That's tough to swallow, but sometimes that's just how it is.

However, your friend isn't much acting like one. If they were your friend, they'd be happy for you to think that you may be moving on to a better life. A good friend doesn't try to guilt you out of giving up your happiness just so they can be happy.

Only you know what the best thing for you to do would be. If you really need that closure, then go be with your mom. Try it. It may work, if not. If it doesn't, maybe you can come back home? If your friend is a true one, she'll understand. If she isn't, then you aren't really losing anything of value. But if a little reflection tells you that maybe you don't need to try to reconcile with your mother, that's fine too. Ultimately, you've gotta do what you gotta do. Just do what makes you happy as best you can.
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
Madhatter · 31-35, M
@MotherlessDaughter01 Sorry you had to go through that, but there's no changing the past. Only doing the best we can to make a better future. I don't know if that means trying to work things out with your mom or just trying to move on, but I do know things will work out either way. It won't be perfect. It won't be easy. But you'll be alright.
rckt148 · 61-69, M
My Mom left me to raise myself and my brothers after one of her friends left my brother get burned so bad he was in the hospital 2 months ,so I made her a deal ,no more "sitters "
and I would fool Dad into thinking she took good care of us and his home .
But in reality ,when Dad left for work at night ,Mom was gone too
She told my friends she was my sister ,she and my Dad had an open relationship ,and the only time I seen her she was messed up on something beating the hell out of me .
She interfered in my marriages ,told everyone if I had told them stories about her they were lies ,brought on by my own demented mind ,drug and alcohol abuse ,she had so many names she went by ,claimed she was a "white witch "
Told me the biggest mistake she ever made was the day I was born she forgot to pinch my head off " she called me Cain and Little Hitler because I made my brothers mind and they would not listen to her ,,my middle brother tried to have her locked up ,
She had my Dad take me 9 hours away from home and abandon me broke in another state
But when she called and said she was terminal ,and no one would help her ,,I went home
When Dad passed I took care of her 8 months until she got his insurance ,she got a reverse mortgage on Dads estate and threw herself parties ,went on trips and cruises ,and when she was broke ,,she asked for my help again
I took care of her the last 14 months of her life
paying her bills while I had my own home I had to shut up ,but my own bills to pay ,,and I was also being tested for cancer myself
You only have one Mom ,no matter what she has done
if she said she wants to see you ,a real friend would tell you to go ,,then you have no regrets
When she is gone you know regardless
you were the bigger person ,,you forgave
and your friend ,,only cares about her needs ,she is afraid of being alone ,,I would tell her to get a life
this woman gave me life ,,
what I do with it is up to me
I left home at 13 to get away from mine ,,it was always a love hate relationship at best
but she has been dead 7 yrs now ,both parents gone
I miss her
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
in10RjFox · M
Maybe your best friend has become your pseudo mom in the process, as she may have given you solace when your mom left you. She now feels insecured that you may go back to your mom and abandon her, like how your mom did to you.

You need to comfort her by saying that you will not abandon her and you will return as soon.... unless you plan to move in with your mom. Another way is taking her along with you to meet your mom and tell your mom how she stood by you when she left.
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
in10RjFox · M
@MotherlessDaughter01 you plan to move in with your mother ?
This comment is hidden. Show Comment
This comment is hidden. Show Comment

 
Post Comment